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Monday, October 10th, 2005
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9:08 pm - the game of highschool
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its all a game, an unavoidable, point scoring, field drawn game. yeah cliche and gay but ur gonna get it anyway becuase its been mapped unlike before
so this is a seven week philosophical project of mine, i will update once a week as a further this expounding on each thought, hopefully it will either upset you or you will like it
ok for mapping high shcool we start out with a plane, one of the most basic forms, would do line but comon...thats to simple. the axi of the plane are polar extremes of types of people in highschool, im doing walnut so lets look at it. there is definitaly preps, geeks/freeks, jocks, and (lets admit it) blacks. well jocks are definitaly opposite of geeks so they will be the x axis, that leaves preps and blacks(we will call them gansters since whites can be "black") now we have a chart, with starting at 0 degrees then going left, geeks, preps, jocks, and g's. the extremes of highschool. everyone can be put between these poles. i put myself at prep-jock, the second quadrant. i am kinda smart and i play sports, and i know most about the two quadrants on either side of me. the thing is i know almost nothing about the nerd-g's which is true if i had to classify people, they are opposite of me. the rule is u know nothing about the people opposite you. now i dont put rules on attraction but i notice that people are usually atttracted the the quadrent counterclockwise to them. so people who act ganster but are kinda smart, and its true, i know very little about them. most people will be put in the quadrents and not on the planes
further more about highschool, there is points to it. i classify attention as points. when someone exists they use up 100% of their attention, they have to, they cannot pay attention to nothing becuase then that nothing is something, but im talking about relationships. so they are paying 100% of their attention to their relationships when u meet them they start paying attention to you. and since they cannot exceed 100% this obviously subtracts from the already developed relationships. do you see the point system developing? we could put this percent into points.
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8:48 pm - i love me
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lets see this is sort of coco-puff-ish but oh well
most of my actions are non self based, now although i may get self satisfaction from them they directly benifit other people. mean while people have this one personality type while there can be another, one living for themselves and the other living for others. maybe followers and leaders, who knows. so in short while my song is i love you, while someone elses i love me.
what is urs?
how can u tell?.....can it change?
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| Tuesday, August 23rd, 2005
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9:41 pm
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And all of a sudden, it's gone.
We're back. Sigh. And for the moment, the schedule is new and different, but looking ahead i know that these identical days will mush together, just like all the ones before them. I'm not sure that I'm very pleased with my youth turning into mush. No, not pleased at all.
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| Saturday, July 16th, 2005
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11:54 pm - i thought i was insane
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“I wish you wouldn’t keep appearing and vanishing so suddenly; you make one quite giddy!”
“All right,” said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite slowly, beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which remained some time after the rest of it had gone.
“Well! I’ve often seen a cat without a grin,” thought Alice; “but a grin without a cat! It’s the most curious thing I ever saw in all my life!”
~alice in wonderland
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| Monday, July 11th, 2005
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12:54 am - life
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what would you do for life? no not sucess. life. but lets talk about sucess. that is what you want... not life but sucess. by the way i dont even know what im saying. people will whip their own ass for sucess but will take a step off a building to end life. people shatter towers, empires, peoples sculls for sucess and life is rarely regarded. porque? what is live without sucess? in our opinion total shit
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(comment on this)
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12:54 am - hrm
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12:45 am - the contradiction
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another thought a lot of stuff that we live in in the political world is rather contradictatory.
such as
the librals the ones who want to protect the rights and the raw truth of things are the ones who want to remove a constitiutional amendment. also they oppose the death penalty saying its cruel and unusual meanwhile there is liberation in death....throwing someone in a jail cell for the rest of their life is a lot worse than just ending it right away.
the conservatives who support the moral right are the most degrading of everyone, jesus loved woman and i bet he didnt turn back gays. he didnt turn back anyone. they also are conservative of the veiws of the constitution which specifically states seperation of church and state they get very libral in that section.
then there is the women the emotional the deep women of our world. sike. the most of women who are supposed to be deeper than men may be the most materialistic. they find men simular shallow people who supposedly want only one thing. so they go to material possetions cars money houses ect. mean while men only get involved in material possesions for the women a much deeper reason for if they could get a women while living in a card board box i dout they would have much else
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, July 10th, 2005
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10:45 am - insantiy
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so recently i had my concution and kinda turned into a insane/retarded person and much to my surprise i dont mind it at all. becuase what ive come to realize is that possibly we are the insane ones, we live over stressed sorrofull lives filled with pain and disease and we think its better than the lives of the insane. they are not stressed they have nothing to worry about maybe which color to paint with today and thats about it. meanwhile we have break downs suicides eating disorders and all that all topped with a nice full covering of bullshit and welove it and adore it we even kill for it. how funny, we blow other people up for bullshit. wow. arent we impressive. many people say that there is a thin line between insanity and genious and im begenning to think the only reason that there ever is a line is becuase society put it there to make its self look better. or maybe im just saying this because im insane...eye of the beholder shit...who knows. or better, who wants to?
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2:15 am
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| Wednesday, July 6th, 2005
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11:00 pm
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with the arrival of school schedules i am abruptly reminded of all the pressure and stress of the school year, and how much it totally sucks. just looking at my schedule stresses me out. i look at the classes ahead of me and i wonder if im in way over my head. realisticly, i know ill live through it; i will still be breathing this time next year. but all the expectations are suddenly very weighty, and they make me think. what would i do if there wasnt pressure to do well? what would i focus on if the choice was up to me?
more universally, how would we behave if all of our fetters were broken? the shackles placed upon us by past, present, and future. our previous actions and decisions set precedents and habits for us to follow, and push us in one direction. society puts boundaries on what is acceptable behavior right now. we all have expectations for what direction were supposed to move in the future. theoretically, all of these forces are pushing us to be more "functional" humans who can exist in a conventional adult environment. but how much fun is that? is everyone cut out for that kind of life?
these boundaries and barriers are supposedly helpful, but in truth seem to be disastrous, spirit-crushing forces. what if we all took the time to find out who we really are, what we really like, and how we really act? i know its not a new idea, "be true to yourself" and all that jazz, but im being serious. not just morals and interests and shit, but all of us. as katie has introduced it, our shadow. our baseness. our flaws. what if we were actually free to act on those implulses and know them. if we were allowed to know them, and behave less than perfectly, we might be better able to harness them. i dont know where im going with this. utopia? thinking is for awake people.
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, June 27th, 2005
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12:30 am
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this one will prolly be changed a lot
so in continuing of the negative energy thing we have realized that a lot of the things we do...in fact almost all are selfish acts based on desire. we also call greed bad. which is rather ironic because that is really what we spend everyminute of our dieng lives doing...being greedy...hell im proll being greedy while typing this. anyways since we all are greedy and that is bad that is why there is so much negative shit out there...it is why we are scared to walkin the alleys ride the roller costers and walk home a lone...it is based on greed that stems from our selfish actions. we are scared someone else will want our purse or our lives. should we like this? it is our natural instinct so another question is... were we born good or bad?
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, June 23rd, 2005
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12:39 pm
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jasson i need help on this, but ill start it and see how it goes...
what happens when a source of happiness no longer exists? what do you do when something that brought you joy is cut out of your life? how do you react when you realize that something you once thought to be rich and wonderful is in truth empty and inadequate or even painful?
okay the world is primarily shit, right? it is chock stinking full of negative energy. everywhere. and happiness is good, right? it is one form of pure and positive energy. so if the world is shitty with your happy energy in it, taking that happiness out makes it shittier, correct? so thats not really an option. when youre engulfed in darkness you cant just toss aside a sliver of light like its...like its a tissue. thats stupid. thats weak. thats letting shit win. i dont know about you, but i dont like to lose to feces.
so what do you do? how can you maintain the balance? honestly, i have no idea, and its driving me mildly insaner. but i suppose you have other sources of happiness, perhaps smaller ones. if you put more energy into those and thus glean more from your experiences with them, that might even it out. but, is this hiding?
or do you hunt down new happinesses. explore, latch on to something thats good in a different way. but, is this just lying to yourself?
i wonder if in fact we must just live with total negativity for a while. give up. let go. break down. accept the darkness and base-ness of the world. hmm. i wonder if you followed that. more later.
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| Wednesday, June 22nd, 2005
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11:44 pm - self destructive economy (cont.)
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ok so im gonna try and explian one of the first posts i had
so as i said the economy blows...we should forget this money thing, its bull shit. its like here is a few staks of paper for you working for me. you give it back to me for a car. i give it back for working. you give it back to me for a stereo. i give it back for working. its bs...forget the paper if each one would just do the other we wouldnt have such a big poll up our ass
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, June 18th, 2005
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11:52 pm - beef
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when i was at buieness camp i realized a lot of things, one of them was this big thought
some people consider black people willing to escalate things over the smallest step on the toe, sometimes literally. now i realize all races do that, and its just dumb shit. there is also a base, if you touch our pride we will take a shit in our hand and throw it at the fan. in mexico natives are beat and killed becuase of the spanish pride, in the hood kids are shot becuase of one mans pride, these to races are discriminated by the white race becuase of white pride. its just all the same just in a diffrent place we all think the same thiings and do dumb stuff its unbelievable. i mean some parents bury their children becuase of pride and i bet if the person who is now sleeping at home with thier pride would switch places with the parent they wouldnt be so proud.
even yesterday a few of my friends almost threw it up over their pride which i found slightly stupid, but i used to think like that 2. what goes through our head and what went through some of theirsis I OVERTRUMP EVERYTHING, and thats usually not right. also about last night, people didnt want someone elses desires to interfere with theirs thats pride, becuase it aludes to i overtrump everthing.
the time when you should take pride and take the trump is when your side is the one that is more associated with happyness then stand for your cause and show your desires. its also to realize what do you have after your pride? i used to think nothing until i realized the answer was to get your pride back another time and not screw things up over my own desires. but the worst is that we think its all diffrent, you think situations in america are diffrent than in mexico or canada, its not its all the same dumb shit and if we would just take the heaping corrosive pile of shit we call pride and let it go for a sec every once in a while a lot of less peoples lives would suck but no that cant happen becuase we have nothing better to do with our lives and thats just a thought. its a shame your to proud to listen.
current mood:  contemplative
current music: back then
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| Thursday, June 16th, 2005
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8:25 pm - America (compliments of catch-22)
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I understand that no one will read this, but i don't care, because everyone should. Besides, it's summer, you're bored, what else are you going to do? And on the off chance that you do read this, your immediate course of action should involve a trip to a bookstore to purchase catch-22 by joseph heller as soon as is humanly possible.
The old man had been drinking. Nately reacted on sight with bristling enmity to this wicked, depraved, and unpatriotic old man who was old enough to remind him of his father and who made diparaging jokes about America.
"America," he said, "will lose the war. And Italy will win it."
"America is the strongest and most prosperous nation on earth," Nately informed him with lofty fervor and dignity. "And the American fighting man is second to none".
"Exactly", agreed the old man pleasantly, with a hint of taunting amusement. Italy, on the other hand, is one of the least prosperous nations on earth. And the Italian fighting man is probably second to all. And that's exactly why my country is doing so well in this war while yours is doing so poorly."
Nately guffawed with surprise, then blushed apologetically for his impoliteness. "I'm sorry I laughed at you," he said sincerely, and he continued in a tone of respectful condescension. "But Italy was occupied by the Germans and is now being occupied by us. You don't call that doing very well, do you?"
"But of course I do," exclaimed the old man cheerfully. "The Germans are being driven out, and we are still here. In a few years you will be gone, too, and we will still be here. You see, Italy is really a very poor and weak country, and that's what makes us so strong. Italian soldiers are not dying anymore. But American and German officers are. I call that doing extremely well. Yes, I am certain that Italy will survive this war and still be in existence long after your own country has been destroyed."
Nately could scarcely believe his ears. He had never heard such shocking blasphemies before, and he wondered with instinctive logic why the why G-men did not appear to lock the traitorous old man up. "America is not going to be destroyed!" he shouted passionately.
"Never?" prodded the old man softly.
"Well..." Nately faltered.
The old man laughed indulgently, holding in check a deeper, more explosive delight. His goading remained gentle. "Rome was destroyed, Greece was destroyed, Persia was destroyed, Spain was destroyed. All great countries are destroyed. Why not yours? How much longer do you really think your own country will last? Forever? Keep in mind that the earth itself is destined to be destroyed by the sun in twenty-five million years or so."
Nately squirmed uncomfortably.
[...]
"I don't believe anything you tell me," Nately replied with a bashful, mitigating smile. "The only thing I do believe is that America is going to win this war."
"You put so much stock in winning wars," the grubby iniquitous old man scoffed. "The real trick lies in losing wars, in knowing which wars can be lost. Italy has been losing wars for centuries, and just see how splendidly we've done nonetheless. France wins wars and is in a continual state of crises. Germany loses and prospers. Look at our own recent history. Italy won a war in Ethiopia and promptly stumbled into serious trouble. Victory gave us such insane delusions of grandeur that we helped start a world war we hadn't a chance of wining. But now that we are losing again, everything has taken a turn for the better, and we certainly will come up on top again if we succeed in being defeated."
Nately gaped at him in undisguised befuddlement. "Now I really don't understand what you're saying. You talk like a madman."
"But I live like a sane one. I was a fascist when Mussolini was on top, and I an an anti-fascist now that he has been deposed. I was fanatically pro-German when the Germans were here to protect us against the Americans, and now that the Americans are here to protect us against the Germans I am fanatically pro-American. I can assure you, my outraged young friend" - the old man's knowing, disdainful eyes shown even more effervescently as Nately's stuttering dismay increased - "that you and your country will have no more loyal partisan in Italy than me - but only as long as you remain in Italy."
"But," Nately cried out in disbelief, "you're a turncoat! A time-server! A shameful, unscrupulous opportunist!"
"I am a hundred and seven years old," the old man reminded him suavely.
"Don't you have any principles?"
"Of course not."
"No morality?"
"Oh, I am a very moral man," the villainous old man assured him with satiric seriousness, stroking the bare hip of a buxom black-haired girl with pretty dimples who had stretched herself seductively on the other arm of his chair. He grinned at Nately sarcastically as he sat between both naked girls in smug and threadbare splendor, with a sovereign hand on each.
"I can't believe it," Nately remarked grudgingly, trying stubbornly not to watch him in relation to the girls. "I simply can't believe it."
"But it's all perfectly true. When the Germans marched into the city, I danced in the streets like a youthful ballerina and shouted 'Heil Hitler' until my lungs were hoarse. I even waved a small Nazi flag that I had snatched away from a beautiful little girl while her mother was looking the other way. When the Germans left the city, I rushed out to welcome the Americans with a bottle of excellent brandy and a basket of flowers. The brandy was for myself, of course, and the flowers were to sprinkle upon our liberators. There was a very stiff and stuffy old major riding in the first car, and I hit him squarely in the eye with a red rose. A marvelous shot! You should have seen him wince."
[...]
"You see? Imagine a man his age risking what little life he has left for something so absurd as a country."
Nately was instantly up in arms again. "There is nothing so absurd about risking your life for your country!" he declared.
"Isn't there?" asked the old man. "What is a country? A country is a piece of land surrounded on all sides by boundaries, usually unnatural. Englishmen are dying for England, Americans are dying for America, Germans are dying for Germany, Russians are dying for Russia. There are now fifty or sixty countries fighting in this war. Surely so many countries can't all be worth dying for."
"Anything worth living for," said Nately, "is worth dying for."
"And anything worth dying for," answered the sacrilegious old man, "is certainly worth living for."
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| Saturday, June 11th, 2005
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6:07 pm - continued life on another planet
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OR they COULD be watching us with some form of light that is faster than the speed of light which isnt possible and they would travel below the speed of light for thousands and thousands of years just to put little pretty designes in our corn and then just leave
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, June 8th, 2005
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11:35 pm - life on another planet
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well even ive woundered about the question, are we alone? ive come to the conclusion, no. and i think once you the perspective i see you will agree. ok so lets take something big, persay, the universe. its a big place even if you were to put it on a map with the earth being the size of a pea and that being the unit of measurement, pluto, would be about a mile and a half away from us, the closest star would be ten thousand miles away, in short, its big. so now in it, is OUR milky way, it has around 200 billion stars all possibly containing planets, it is one of only 140 billion galexies that we know of that also have more stars and in turn more planets. so this dude, Frank Drake wrote an equation for the possibility of life on another planet. u devide the number of stars in a selected portion of the univers by the number of stars that could have planets devided by the number of systems of planets that could theoretically support life devided that by the number on which life having arizin is in a state of intelligence and so on. of corse the final number is much smaller than the beggening but even if u use the biggest dividers possible in the milky way alone it comes out in the millions.
on to another one, are they watching us? or will the pull a war of the worlds on us? yes and no respectively. they prolly are, the thing is, the closesnt one POSSIBLE even though we know it doesnt contail life lets just say it does. it is 200 light years away, which means if they watch us they see what happened 200 yrs ago, so french revalution, thomas jefferson, powdered wigs and silver stockings, not george bush the crusador. which im kinda happy about.
so we are and arent alone, there are other ones, no we wont chat with them or see them, at least not in our life time. also they wont what go and kik our ass like on tv, even at the speed of light which is impossible to achive to get here is more than 400 years for them, them though, remeber time is slower for them so at speed of light 1 min for them is 96 yrs for us, they would reach a ball of dust which used to be our sun. so yeah, there it goes. honkeys
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12:20 am
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| Sunday, June 5th, 2005
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10:43 pm - star wars? more like star whores
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ok i know some 35 yr old single looser who lives in his moms basement probobly has already thought up of this but i came up with it on my own
ok! star wars is just one BIG sexual inuendo. i mean. comon think about it, the dark side is represented by darth vader, the exact replica of a circumsized penis i mean he looks like exacly like one. minus the cape. and he has the force aka faramones but the light side also has a better and stronger force representing girls influnce over men, then you can do more things with the dark side of the force representing mens current domination of society there is also a desire to bring balance to the force like womens desire to be equal. also the light side is represeneded by princes laya whos hair is famously an opal, uterus. then darth vader has his storm troopers little white men with round heads who penatrate princess laya's fortress...oh yeahh sperm. also darth vader uses his death star to blow up princess laya's sacred planet,hahaha. bitches.
current mood:  horny
current music: my neck my back
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4:44 pm
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velvet breezes, bare feet, 4am, breakfast at noon, warm hair, groggy heat, "whens too soon for air conditioning?," lemonade, freckles, tans, towels, sand, chlorine, cards, euchre marathons, changes everywhere, secrets, freedoms, toddlers and trikes, squeals in sprinklers, woods and hikes, hemp, water, lake-baths, “juicy,” sailboats, charades, fresh fruit, picnics, porch swings, late-night everything, endless boredom -> crazy ideas, “make it new,” too much spare time, thunderstorms, return to you.
what are yours? add!
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